| Diocesan Abuse Prevention Effort
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| By a Victim of Clergy
Sexual Abuse
Shattered Trust, Shattered Faith
When a trusted member of the church has hurt
you or a loved one, it can shake the foundation of your whole
belief system. Before this happened to me, my faith was based
on my trust in this Church and its clergy. My primary relationship
with God and prayer was through weekly mass at my neighborhood
parish.
Afterward, this shattered trust resulted in shattered faith.
I couldn’t pray. I became mistrusting of organized religion.
I was unable to experience a personal relationship with God,
which left me confused and frustrated, and feeling unloved
and abandoned.
An important part of healing was discovering that my spiritual
being was also injured and needed care. You seek medical advice
for physical ailments, counseling for psychological concerns.
But what about the very essence of your being, your soul?
Healing with God
We are integrated people - mind, body, and soul - but there
is a tendency to leave the spiritual part out when we begin
the process of healing our hurts. That is unfortunate because
God doesn’t expect us to go it alone and we deny ourselves
the greatest source of help there is – God’s grace.
We’ve all met or heard of people who rise above tough
situations by drawing upon some kind of inner strength. That
inner strength is a divine presence that lives in all of us,
what some call a “higher power.” When we allow
this grace to flow freely through us guiding our thoughts
and actions, it lightens our burdens and eases our pain, strengthening
us to do the impossible.
The difficult emotional challenges some of us now face become
much easier when we include God. For example, our pain and
confusion can make us feel alone, terribly isolated, but it
is in these lonely times when no one else seems to understand
that we find deep within us God's solace, sometimes for the
first time in our lives. A damaged self-esteem is restored
beautifully with the prayerful request to be able to see ourselves
as God sees us. Exercise or meditation may lesson our stress
and comfort our inner child, but there is no peace sweeter
than placing oneself in God’s loving care like a child
in his or her mother’s arms.
Forgiveness
I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me; he freed me from
all fears. The oppressed look to him and are glad; they will
never be disappointed. The helpless call to him, and he answers
their troubles. Psalm 34: 4-6
Forgiveness, probably our greatest challenge, really is divine.
On our own, this nearly impossible task can sometimes take
years until we are just too tired to hold onto the anger anymore.
But when our soul meets God's love, a profound change happens.
We are able to see the people that have hurt us in a different
light. Our grip on anger lessens and soon we find ourselves
free of this painful burden.
When we are nearly crippled with fear and anxiety, where
do we find the courage to take the risks from which we will
learn to trust again? Courage isn’t the absence of fear;
it is being able to move forward even in its presence. With
God at our side we can do that. That is faith. That is freedom.
That is healing.
Healing with the Church
A personal spirituality doesn't necessarily depend on your
participation in any particular religion. However, it is through
our interaction with other people of similar beliefs that
we strengthen our own faith. When our faith is weak and we
find it difficult to sense God’s presence in our own
lives, it is the loving care and example of others that creates
a bridge back to God for us.
Because God is love, as our relationship with God increases,
so does our desire to be in community with others. As a baptized
Catholic, you will always be a member of this spiritual family
and have a place at this Eucharistic table, a source of healing
grace.
Your faith family needs you here, as the Church is also hurt
when we are hurt. Just like any family, estrangement is painful
to all parties. But reconciliation is possible. One of the
gifts of grace is the ability to see God’s presence
in this Church community and its sacraments, even though some
of its members have sinned terribly against us. Remaining
separated from God and our spiritual family may be the greatest
of all injuries.
Where to find help
Often we are too afraid, angry or embarrassed to seek the
pastoral care that we need or we don't know where to turn.
We may have already reached out to someone in the Church only
to be hurt and disappointed again. For that reason the Diocese
of Pittsburgh offers a program of care to help us connect
with members of our Catholic family who understand our unique
situation and can assist us with pastoral care and spiritual
direction. You don't need to carry this burden alone.
| Reflections |
| “Come to me all
you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.”
(Matthew 11:28)
“The Lord is my refuge; of whom am I afraid?”
(Psalms 27: 1)
“Jesus described a people hungry for hope and
healing as ‘sheep without a shepherd’ (see
Mark 6:34). In the light of the sexual abuse by Catholic
clergy, I cannot help but think so many were without
true shepherds. These words of Jesus can be a promise
for each of us that we will always have at the center
of our ministry the heart of the Good Shepherd.”
– Father Charles S. Bober, Pastor, Saint Kilian
Parish, Mars, PA
“Families are places where love should be nurtured
and forgiveness offered. This should also be true of
the Church family. Unfortunately, there were priests
that misused their position in the Church through the
sexual abuse of innocent victims. The Church always
needs to step forward to offer the true love, compassion
and healing of Christ for those who suffer that they
may find restoration of their lives and regain their
trust and hope in the Lord.” – Father Robert
F. Guay, Pastor, Our Lady of Peace Parish, Conway, PA
“We continue to have a special care for and a
commitment to reaching out to the victims of sexual
abuse and their families. The damage caused by sexual
abuse of minors is devastating and long lasting. We
apologize to them for the grave harm that has been inflicted
on them, and we offer our help for the future. The loss
of trust that is often the consequence of such abuse
becomes even more tragic when it leads to a loss of
the faith that we have a sacred duty to foster. We make
our own the words of His Holiness, Pope John Paul II:
that the sexual abuse of young people is ‘by every
standard wrong and rightly considered a crime by society;
it is also an appalling sin in the eyes of God’
(Address to the Cardinals of the United States and Conference
Officers, April 23, 2002).
”Along with the victims and their
families, the entire Catholic community in this country
has suffered because of this scandal...We feel a particular
responsibility for the ‘ministry of reconciliation’
(2 Cor 5:18) which God, who reconciled us to himself
through Christ, has given us. The love of Christ impels
us to ask forgiveness for our own faults but also to
appeal to all—to those who have been victimized,
to those who have been offended, and to all who have
felt the wound of this scandal—to be reconciled
to God and one another.” – Charter for
the Protection of Children and Young People (2005)
– United States Conference of Catholic Bishops
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