Protecting God’s Children: A Primer

By SHARON DOTY

All church personnel in the Diocese of Pittsburgh who have regular contact with children are required to complete the Virtus training program, Protecting God’s Children. The following article, written by Virtus staff, provides the key points covered in Protecting God’s Children and serves as a basic introduction to the nature and scope of child sexual abuse in contemporary society. Over the next few months, the Pittsburgh Catholic will publish a series of articles from Virtus that will explore these issues in depth.

The problem of child sexual abuse

All children are vulnerable to the advances of child molesters. The men and women who prey on children often believe they actually love the children. But the damage they inflict is devastating, and the scars can last a lifetime.

Grooming is the child molester’s pattern of skillfully convincing the child, the parents and the community that he or she is genuinely interested in sharing a supportive and healthy relationship with the child. Through the grooming process, child molesters trap children in a cycle of secrecy. They then rely on their power over their victims to control the children and convince them that the victims have only themselves to blame for what happened. Unlike most children, adults realize that nothing could be further from the truth.

Child sexual abuse is a great deal more prevalent than many imagine. In fact, studies tell us that one in 10 adult men and one in five adult women say they were molested before the age of 18. That means that, directly or indirectly, child sexual abuse will touch most of us during our lifetime. And, although we would like to believe that most accusations are false, the facts tell us that children rarely lie about being molested. In fact, they rarely tell anyone at all. In the adult study that told us about the prevalence of sexual abuse, we also learned that 42 percent of the men and 33 percent of the women who were victimized had never told anyone.

One of the most difficult facts to confront is that the greatest risk to children is from people who are known and trusted by children and their parents. Many people grow up believing that strangers pose the greatest risk to young people. But the truth is, strangers commit only 11 percent of sexual abuse. People biologically related to the victim commit another 29 percent of child sexual abuse. And 60 percent of child sexual abuse is committed by others who are known and trusted by the child and the child’s parents.

Child molesters look like everyone else. They have neither horns nor tail. They do not look like scary people who should be avoided. Rather, they live with their families in our neighborhoods. By all appearances, they are typically upstanding citizens and leaders within their communities and neighborhoods. They have been welcomed into our homes and churches. And, by virtue of their appearance as model citizens, they groom those around them in order to secure jobs and volunteer opportunities that give them access to children. Very often, they have genuine skills in relating to people — particularly in relating to children. We come to respect them and trust them and, unfortunately, we fall victim to their act and fail to adequately monitor their interaction with children and young people.

To prevent child sexual abuse, adults must know the truth about this kind of abuse. It is only when we know the truth and take steps to prevent adults from abusing children that we can be assured that the children in our communities will grow up safe and healthy.

The prevention of child sexual abuse

One of the most important ways to ensure the safety of children in our environments is to know the warning signs of adults who present a risk of harm to children. Among the signs are:

• People who always want to be alone with children. They discourage others from participating in activities and make sure that their time alone with children cannot be monitored.
• People who give gifts without permission and then convince the children to keep the gifts a secret.
• People who go overboard in touching children — particularly wrestling and tickling children they do not know very well.
• People who think the rules don’t apply to them. Not only do they ignore standard policies and procedures, but they are convinced that the rules of society don’t apply to them.
• People who routinely allow children to engage in activities that their parents would not allow.

In addition to knowing the warning signs, it is important that dioceses, parishes and schools implement comprehensive screening procedures that control who has access to our children. Screening must include written application forms, interviews, background checks, reference checks and communication to the applicant regarding the church’s commitment to creating and maintaining a safe environment.

We must monitor all the programs and places where children are engaged in activities. Taking action to ensure that there is an atmosphere of openness in all programs and services for children will contribute to the goal of safe environments. Remember that while there are some activities in ministry that other people should not be able to observe or overhear, we should do nothing in our children’s ministry that others cannot observe — at least through a window.

It is vitally important that we are constantly vigilant — that we always observe the behaviors of those who interact with children. And we must always communicate our concerns to the appropriate parties. Sometimes this means communicating our safety concerns to our children. And sometimes this means communicating our concerns about seemingly inappropriate behavior to those who are in a position to intervene. Parents must teach their children about their private body parts and talk with them about the touching safety rules.

Parents must also listen carefully to their children, and observe both their children’s activities and the behavior of older children and adults who interact with children. When children exhibit dramatic behavioral changes, adults must find out what caused the changes. Being aware of what’s happening with our children means talking to, listening to and observing them — at every opportunity.

Communication is also important when we have specific concerns about an adult’s behavior or when we suspect that a child is being abused or has been abused. Adults must communicate their concerns when they witness questionable or risky behavior in the other adults interacting with children in a parish or school environment. Communication is essential to preventing harm.

When any adult in the faith community has reason to suspect that a child is being or has been abused, he or she has a moral (and often a legal) responsibility to report those suspicions to civil authorities. Reporting suspected abuse takes courage. However, adults who take a stand for children and make the call are often responsible for saving a child from terrible torment.

This article is the copyrighted property of National Catholic Services, LLC (National Catholic), all rights reserved, and is reprinted here with National Catholic’s permission. It originally appeared on the Virtus Online risk management Web site at www.virtus.org. For more information about Virtus Online or other Virtus products and services, call 888-847-8870.

Doty is a consultant to the Virtus program.